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Father Forgets
by W. Livingston Larned
Listen, son; I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.
There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a twoel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called,
"Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply,
"Hold your shoulders back!"
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came Up the road, I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before you boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful!
Imagine that, son, form a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door.
"What is it you want?" I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to your for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too muchof youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in yourcharacter. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself overthe wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you alugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual:
"He is nothing buy a boy - a little boy!"
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder.
I have asked too much, too much.
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| So Eric is finally living with me. It's nice and enjoyable living with someone you get along with very well. We haven't ran into any big problems so far; when we do, we will overcome them in a smooth and calm manner, like we usually do. I'm tired of dealing with problems alone, so I'm glad Eric's here to comfort me, help me overcome my negative thoughts and feelings by entrusting God, love me for who I am, and make me be a better person every day. (Man, I sound really messed up.  ) Anyway, we've been having fun cleaning my room, unpacking his clothes into the closet, moving furniture, adding new furniture, etc. We still have some furniture pieces to get rid of... the only problem is where to throw them away. My father failed to notify me about the dumpster week here in the mobile home park, so I couldn't get rid of anything this season. I'm excited about how we're going to change our bedroom... we already got a new computer desk and new bed set... and a shoe rack that has yet to be installed. lol I just hope to get my paycheck from in-home support soon so I can purchase my new computer desk. It's fun shopping for and collecting new stuff... especially with good company.  | | |
| "In a bid to remain true to its advertising and marketing as a 'forever young' brand, McDonald's has decided to embrace a contemporary design for its restaurants. This will be the first time in three decades that McDonald's is undertaking such a huge redesign of its 30,000 restaurants worldwide."
Pallavi Gogoi, Business Week Online
Source: http://images.businessweek.com/ss/06/05/mcdonalds/index_01.htm?campaign_id=rediff
Internet connection.... plasma screen tvs... comfortable seating...
relaxing environment. Makes me want to go to these new restaurants.
I had my first club grilled chicken today. It was yummy. With fries, of course. And soda. 'doh
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